God asks us, “Will you let me love you?”

It sounds so simple, and yet, we go about our days, thinking we are in charge and don’t need His love. Until that moment, you have no choice but to cry out to God in desperate need of help. It could be a diagnosis, a scare, a death in the family, a job loss, or any number of situations that leave us unprepared. And suddenly, we are on our knees crying out in prayer wondering where the God of the universe is.

He is where He has always been. He’s just waiting patiently for you to let Him love you. His heart rejoices in His desire to be there for you.

My child, give me your heart and let your eyes observe my ways. (Proverbs 23;26) In other words, “My child, let me love you and follow me in every moment of your life. Give me your heart today and always.”

Our response should be, “Yes, Lord, as in the prayer below of Saint Augustine.

Yes, Lord, I will give you my heart!

Originally posted on December 3, 2018.

In 2018, I had been was recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that led to chronic hives and nearly a year of prednisone. This would last nearly three years. In 2020, the world changed overnight while I battled inflammation, depression , hives and weight gain leading to pneumonia and a hospital stay just before Christmas. All of this caused to a major job change, which led to a period of doubt and despair. My heart and my body were broken.

“Let your Faith be bigger than your Fears!”

Most of my fears are worry driven and yet my fear was real.  It was scary and it brought me to my knees. And I heard his voice so clearly in the words I wrote.

DO NOT BE AFRAID

Lisa Marie Taylor, 2018

IN THE DARKEST OF THE NIGHT.  DO NOT BE AFRAID! I AWAKE, I CAN’T BREATHE, I PANIC.  SIRENS, LIGHTS, OXYGEN, BLOOD PRESSURE TOO HIGH.  TESTS, SCANS, HOSPITAL STAY.  DO NOT BE AFRAID! IN THE DARKEST OF THE NIGHT.  DO NOT BE AFRAID!

IN THE SILENCE OF MY HOSPITAL ROOM.  DO NOT BE AFRAID! MY FEAR RISES, MY WORRY INCREASES.   I PRAY.  SHALLOW BREATHING, I CLOSE MY EYES.  WITHOUT WORDS, I PRAY.    DO NOT BE AFRAID! IN THE SILENCE OF MY HOSPITAL ROOM, DO NOT BE AFRAID!

IN THE DEPTHS OF MY HEART, DO NOT BE AFRAID! GOD’S LOVE SURROUNDS ME. HE KNOWS. I PRAY.  HE HEARS MY CRIES. HE KNOWS ME FROM THE BEGINNING BEFORE I WAS BORN.   HE LISTENS. IN THE DEPTHS OF MY HEART, DO NOT BE AFRAID!

IN THE DARKEST OF THE NIGHT, I REST PEACEFULLY.    I KNOW NOT DO BE AFRAID!

Originally posted in a different blog on December 10, 2019

As they sat down to eat, Jesus took the bread and blessed it. Then he broke it and gave it to them. Suddenly, their eyes were opened, and they recognized him. And at that moment Jesus disappeared!

They said to each other, “Didn’t our hearts burn within us as he talked with us on the road and explained the Scriptures to us?”      Luke 24:30-32 

The words of this Gospel are the answers to the problems our church faces today, which leads to the question. Why ….with all the challenges we as Catholics are facing, many are willing to give it all up because of the imperfect nature of people,  while putting aside the traditions and doctrine of a 2000+ year old church?

I, too, have struggled.

I am continuing to reflect, meditate and discern the answer.  It is one of the many reasons that I begin a journey seven years ago in formation that led me to Saint Meinrad in pursuit of a Masters in Theology.  It was a desire to deepened my faith in hopes of sharing it with others.  It was a desire to find answers through study of church history, doctrine, apologetics, catechesis, pastoral ministry, spirituality, scripture, the sacraments, the saints and the church fathers, daughters and brothers.

I have learned so much, but in the end, it’s really about my relationship with God and most importantly, his relationship with me.  My heart is still burning to love, know and serve Him every day of my life.

We live in a world where we are constantly asking “What is wrong with people?”

In fact, several recent stories have had me saying it nearly daily.   This brings on so many feelings of  outrage,  sorrow, sadness, worry, and brokenness.

These feelings can be good in a world that seems to lack both  empathy and compassion.  Why? Because without empathy and compassion, we are in danger of becoming numb and apathetic.

Reflecting on this, I did some research on what the Church says and I found these words from Pope Francis from a homily for the Canonization of Blessed Junípero Serra, at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, Washington, D.C. on September, 23 2015.   These are the key points:

Rejoice in the Lord always!  Paul tells us to rejoice; he practically orders us to rejoice.  It is as if Paul could hear what each one of us is thinking in his or her heart and to voice what we are feeling, what we are experiencing. Something deep within us invites us to rejoice and tells us not to settle for placebos which simply keep us comfortable.

At the same time, though, we all know the struggles of everyday life. So much seems to stand in the way of this invitation to rejoice. Our daily routine can often lead us to a kind of glum apathy which gradually becomes a habit, with a fatal consequence: our hearts grow numb.

We don’t want apathy to guide our lives… or do we?

We don’t want the force of habit to rule our life… or do we?

So we ought to ask ourselves: What can we do to keep our heart from growing numb, becoming anesthetized? How do we make the joy of the Gospel increase and take deeper root in our lives?

Jesus gives the answer.  He said to his disciples then and he says it to us now: Go forth! Proclaim! The joy of the Gospel is something to be experienced, something to be known and lived only through giving it away, through giving ourselves away.

The spirit of the world tells us to be like everyone else, to settle for what comes easy.

 Faced with this human way of thinking, “we must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and for the world” (Laudato Si’, 229).

For the source of our joy is “an endless desire to show mercy, the fruit of our own experience of the power of the Father’s infinite mercy” (Evangelii Gaudium, 24).

And I pray…for feelings of mercy, forgiveness, joy, empathy, love, peace in a broken world.    Amen.                                                  Lisa Marie Taylor